Dear Mrs Hopkins,
I came across your article ”Rescue boats, I’d use gunships to stop migrants”, and I have a clear understanding of your hatred towards migrants coming to England. I’m writing this letter to give my thoughts and opinions on your article, as I disagree with your agenda and your concept of migrants.
Firstly, you state that you would be happy to be shown bodies floating in the water and skinny people looking sad. I find this very interesting because it seems to me you want to grab the attention of the reader. You have done this quite well by saying these things in such a graphical way. I may be wrong, but I’m convinced that if you were to be shown these things in real life you would feel, to a certain extent, some sort of remorse compared to the way you imagine you would feel.
Secondly, you make it clear that you have compassion for British drivers that end up with a fine every time what you call a ”plague of feral humans” ends up in their truck. I do agree with your sense of compassion towards the drivers because they end up with a fine, however in the same sentence you describe the migrants as ”feral humans”. My interpretation of the cruelty that you parade in your article is that you are trying to grab the readers’ attention in a way that puts them on the edge of their seats wanting to know what more negative stuff you have left to say, which I see as a pattern you have executed well. However, I think describing migrants as feral humans is offensively condemnatory, considering they are only trying to pursue opportunities and live a better life.
Thirdly, at times I wondered if you were writing this article as a letter to the British army, considering you seem so eager to ”use gunships to send these boats back to their own country”. If migrants bother you that much you should maybe write a letter to the British government asking them to fund the countries that the migrants – or, let’s take your word for it, ”feral humans” – originate from.
Lastly, in conclusion, you do a good job of keeping the reader interested by stating your desire to get rid of migrants and then re-stating your desire, by breaking it down in stages, and using a form of repetition which conveys the image of no remorse towards migrants, who you see as an abomination.
You should really take time to think about what you say, because I’m sure that some of the food that you enjoy eating originated from other countries, as well as the clothes you wear and the products you use for your body. You make it clear that you have compassion for British tax payers, however I don’t see how this is relevant in your argument because migrants will have to pay tax once they start working here. You are acting like all the money in England belongs to you, and all the jobs available should only be granted to the people that live in England. However, you’ll find that migrants have much more ambition as to how they fulfill their jobs in their desire to earn money. Perhaps you are the ”feral human”, and I think you are causing harm to yourself but you’re probably too domineering to realize that. My main advice to you for the future is to think before you speak.
Yours sincerely,
Malik Mhina

February 18, 2016 at 10:13 am
Hello Malik,
Some feedback.
1) Your tenses are confused in places. You say, for example, ‘you had made’ where you should just use the present tense and say ‘make’.
2) Your sentences are quite long in places. Please go through and make sure everything is as concise as it can be.
Other than that, very good indeed.
Mr O’B
March 20, 2016 at 12:44 pm
Hi Malik,
This currently sits at 35/40 (B1). An A is one mark away and we can discuss how you might get there on Monday after school. Well done indeed!